Today marks what would have been 40 weeks pregnant with Sprout. Instead the little guy is three weeks old. So amazing! His daddies are doing great with him, I think They're naturals, if you ask me. I'm told he's still a quiet little one, which I joke that he did not get from me!
Baby blues have set in somewhat for me. I think the majority of my being down is due to some pain I'm experiencing in my incision area (there's a bump under my incision where I believe I may have popped a stitch, it's quite weird to feel), and then the leg. Oh, the leg. Gimpy leg, as it's called around the house. It has it's own name! There's been some slight progress, but I don't see myself walking without my brace before the end of the summer. Do I hope I am? Sure! But I like to be realistic, too. It's just hard, because it limits me. I'm doing more and more, but it's still irritating and limiting either way. Ah well.
Breast pumping is going well. I am nearing 50 ounces a day, which I am pleased with, but I can admit that I'm hoping to get a bit more of a supply in the coming weeks. Still, 50 ounces is great, and I know that. After having not even 1/4 of this supply with my own twins, I'm thrilled with this. I have about 400 ounces in my freezer since my last shipment to Sprout. That freezer is filling fast! Oh, I have a LOT more room, but it's nice to see it filling with the milk that MY body has made.
I keep having dreams where I wind up pregnant and we find out that (obviously) the OB forgot to remove my uterus when Sprout was born. It's either that dream or another dream where my husband reveals that he wants another baby. I addressed this with him the other day, but the look on his face told me that'd never happen, not to mention the words that flew out of his mouth.. something along the lines of some laughing and then him saying, "I don't think so!" I have a lot of friends that have quieted about their own journeys to motherhood or surrogacy, because they don't want to upset me. But honest to goodness, I am fine with the hysterectomy. It is strange to think that I don't have to think about birth control again, that even if I wanted that I cannot have another child. (And believe me, even with a uterus, I'd be so very very done!)
All in all I think I'm doing pretty well, even with some hiccups thrown into this. Lately I do one of only a few things, and that's eating, resting/sleeping, pumping, or playing/interacting with my kids. This milk making thing really takes it out of you, and as I am reminded by many, losing half of your blood supply and having it replaced with transfusions can take weeks to recover from. I'm not used to this resting thing, not to this degree. But I am trying to enjoy it while I can, while semi-looking forward to when I can be up and around more, doing more myself, and hopefully getting to the beach before the summer is over (without the brace would be awesome, haha).
Happy 3 weeks to Sprout, and Happy Fourth of July! :D
Alison you are such a strong woman. I know this was never the complete outcome that you wanted, but you have done such a great thing for the guys. I tear up every time even thinking of what you have went through and what a beautiful child you gave birth to for them. My heart goes out to the pain you are going through and I remember almost 5 years ago now how much pain I was in just from the c sec. It's hard to get yourself completely out of the baby blues but seek out support if you need to. Check out baby blues connection (can look them up online). I was in a local group after the birth of my last 2 children. Man that saved my life!! Keep your head up!!!!
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