13 Weeks! (I know how to count)

Your fetus is about three inches long and the size of a peach at 13 weeks pregnant. But don't compare your fetus with the fetus next door. Starting about now, babies begin growing at different paces, some faster than others, some more slowly, though they all follow the same developmental path. Growing at a universally breakneck speed now is your baby's body as it tries to catch up to the head in terms of size. Though your baby's head is about half the size of its body now, by the time your baby is ready to make his or her entrance into the world, the head will be only one-fourth as large as the body.

Your baby's intestines are also in for some big changes right now. Up till this point, they've been growing in a cavity inside the umbilical cord; but now they're moving to their permanent (and more conveniently located) address, in your baby's abdomen. And to serve your growing baby's needs, the placenta is also growing. It weighs about an ounce now and will weigh one to two pounds at birth (something else you'll soon be able to blame your weight gain on!).

Also developing this week: your baby's vocal chords. Because sound can't travel through your uterus (your baby's current habitat), you won't be able to hear any sounds or cries just yet, but oh boy (or girl) — those vocal chords will get a good workout once that baby is born.

(Is it just me or does that image of a 13 week fetus look .. disturbing? LOL)

I apologize for not posting my weekly update last week. I kept meaning to come and do it, but the holidays just got the better of me. Finally, it was Monday and I figured, I'll just wait until 13 weeks to post the newest update, lol.

13 weeks! WOW. Some consider the start of 12 weeks to be second tri, others consider it to be the end of 12 weeks, some say 13 weeks 3 days, and yet others say the end of 13 weeks. Goodness. I think I'll go with what I've gone with in the past and declare myself (err, baby?) in second trimester as of today. YAY! So wonderful that we're here, but it feels like the pregnancy is flying!

The spotting has stopped, which is great. I was getting used to having it, but it's nice for it to be done! Fingers crossed it stays gone! Pregnancy should be a time we women get to avoid using feminine care products (PADS!) for the most part, I say.

I am feeling great. I am definitely getting my energy back, though I am still taking things easy (not pushing the fully loaded cart around at Costco, for instance). I'm gaggy still, when I don't eat every couple of hours. Thank goodness for a husband that cleaned the horribly disgusting bird poo off of my van last week. I went outside to go somewhere, saw it, gagged, ran in the house to puke and then asked him to please go outside and clean it off! I couldn't even stand the idea of hosing it off myself. YUCK!

I'm showing more and more, and I've started to feel the baby just a bit! I can feel it if I am sitting and still, and every so often I feel the flutters and slight bumping in there. I was explaining this feeling to my husband the other day, he said that'd be an annoying feeling, haha. I love it, of course.

It's bizarre to think that soon enough we'll be scheduling the 20 week ultrasound and we'll be finding out the gender. I was kind of hoping to wait, but my IFs are planners and want to know now. I understand that, being I found out early with my own children! For now, I am just trying to enjoy the pregnancy and not think ahead to the bigger events too much. I just want to be happy with where I am and not wish this away (except I do wish the hip pain would lessen, but eh, it comes with the package!).

11 Weeks!

Baby's now the size of a lime!

Your baby is about 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 inches long and weighs about a third of an ounce, the size of a peanut. This is a big week for your baby's growth—she'll double in height. At the end of the week, her head and body will be roughly equal in length. This week also starts an active phase for her - she can turn somersaults, roll over, flex her fingers, hiccup, and stretch. You won't be able to feel her movement for another month and a half. She's floating in lots of amniotic fluid. Her limbs are developing from webbed paddles into arms and legs that have well-defined fingers and toes. Fingernails, toenails, and hair follicles are also beginning to form. Your baby's testes or ovaries have developed, though the sex probably won't be visible on a sonogram for at least another month. Intestines have developed at the place where the umbilical cord meets your baby's body. The intestines are now able to make constricting movements, though there won't be anything to digest until later.

So, I'm still rocking my regular clothes every now and again. I'm a fan of regular t-shirts, I've stolen a few of my husbands actually. So, I've been wearing those a lot, though I tend to wear maternity in public. I'm still in the, "Is she fat or .. pregnant?" stage. Well, if you said both, you'd be right. Okay, I don't call myself fat but I'm no skinny minnie either.

I'm leaving the, "Must shovel food down my throat" stage, though I know I can and will re-enter it soon enough. I'm just downing water like usual, and my bladder is continually reminding me that it doesn't hold the amount it did before Sprout planted his or herself in my uterus.

I've been up and about just a bit, and it's going well. No "issues" and I feel well overall. It's doing a lot for my mental state to be up and not stuck on the couch. I am NOT taking this for granted, I just hope my body cooperates and the rest of this pregnancy goes well! I'd love to not have to do any sort of resting (beyond the norm) until after the baby makes their debut.

I'm leaving the fog of exhaustion as well, but.. I'm entering the reclusive stage. I don't know if it can be considered a stage, being I feel this desire all during pregnancy typically. I talked to a couple of friends who feel the same while pregnant, and we agreed, it's our way of protecting ourselves and our young. I'm trying to not be too reclusive, as I hate to offend anyone (that I like, ha). But I have been communicating much less than usual with most people.

So, I can't complain - minor scare last week, but we've made it to 11 weeks! Two more weeks and we're into second trimester. Wow. This trimester has went incredibly quickly, it feels like just yesterday I was jumping around the house with excitement. ;)

Weirdness.

There's a belly. And it's mine. Weird.

I was cooking dinner tonight. Oh, lets get off on a little aside here (there's no such thing as little asides with me, but anyway). The doctor/nurse stated that I could take quick trips out if I took it easy, and if nothing happened (leakage), I could slowly increase this over a few days time. So, I went out today - to the grocery store. And it was heaven. Hello, choppy sentences, eh? I was elated! I was driving, the sun was in my eyes, and I was not at all irritated by that blinding light, but actually thrilled. I took my time in the store, watching people rush around. The stores are so chaotic around the holidays, and I did my best not to contribute to that nuttiness.

Like I said, there's never a little aside with me!

Back to the weirdness. I was making dinner tonight and caught a glimpse of myself in my kitchen window. I had a belly. I stood there, slowly turning to catch myself at all angles and I thought, "There's really a baby in there. Whoa." Because that fact hadn't occurred to me prior to this apparently. I continued on with dinner, and then I kept looking at myself, and I began feeling kind of weird staring at myself, so I stopped. It also began to hit me that for a brief time, there were two babies in there. I no longer feel sad about that fact, just relieved that Sprout stuck around.

I listened quickly for the heartbeat tonight and couldn't find it at first. I panicked, it wasn't in the typical spot. I searched and found my own heartbeat over and over, but nothing that sounded like a galloping horse. I began to curse myself for listening, as I was sure Sprout was fine. I then had the thought to scan a bit upwards, and there it was - a heartbeat that sounded like a galloping horse - a good 2" above where it was a few days ago. This could explain why at only (nearly) 11 weeks, my pudge is being pushed out by Sprout. I love how he or she is way above my pubic bone, and proving my OB wrong in that babies don't always stay that low until end of first trimester.

It's still weird. I think I had resigned myself to the fact after my last journey that I was done. I had just went through so much, that I thought I should save myself from more potential heartache in the future. But who am I to quit when I don't truly want too? That's not me. So, back in the saddle, here I am.. with a belly. Amazing. I am thrilled each and everyday of this journey that I decided to take the plunge again, and then with who I am doing this with and for - the two most amazing men. I've already decided to take stock in Kleenex, because I'm going to be a mess of tears come D-Day when I see those men holding their long awaited baby boy or girl.

10 weeks 2 days - heartbeat video/sound clip

I took a quick video (more like a sound clip) of the baby's heartbeat for my IFs to hear. I took one the other night, but this one is a bit more clear. I figured it'd be nice for them to hear, after the scare we had this week.

Anyway, just minor spotting, but nothing "new". I'm feeling good, just have some cabin fever from staying in and laying low. I'm getting a bit antsy, having to ask my husband to do chores I normally do (take out recycling, compost, etc.). I want to do things, I want to get out and shop for Christmas stuff, but I can't. I've done some shopping online, but there's things I need to do around town. So, I'm trying to just realize that a few more days of laying low and we should be fine. I'll just take it easy with doing things once I get going.

In the end, it's all worth it. I'll do what it takes for this little one, even if I am possibly overdoing the rest, it's better than the opposite! This baby is long awaited, and I am not about to do anything to cause anymore issues, if possible. :)

10 Weeks!

How your baby's growing:

Though he's barely the size of a kumquat — a little over an inch or so long, crown to bottom — and weighs less than a quarter of an ounce, your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.
SOURCE

10 weeks. It's been an interesting few days, one that has given a lot of people some emotional ups and downs. Be prepared for some TMI (too much info!), but if bodily fluids don't geek you out, proceed..

Monday evening I was sitting at my dining room table, working on something when I felt a gush. Now, gushing fluids during pregnancy can be normal, but this felt intense. I remarked to my husband that something was wrong and ran to the bathroom. It was clear but a much greater amount than I was used too. I used the toilet and upon wiping, pink .. and then red blood. I was in complete disbelief. Let me say here that I know bleeding during pregnancy can be normal, it happens for many women. But either way, you worry about the little one inside, and when you're pregnant with a surro baby? It just makes this a completely different emotional ballgame, at least for me.

I put on a pad, called the advice nurse (as I was told to do) and told to take it easy. I got out the doppler and listened, and quickly found the heartbeat. The bleeding was very light, so I wasn't as worried as I could have been, but I was still feeling anxious.

The spotting quit overnight and I was fine all of Tuesday, but still taking it easy, not doing much at all. I just didn't want to aggravate anything, or somehow cause irritation to my cervix. I woke this morning (Wednesday morning), used the bathroom as usual and bam, bleeding.. a bit more than what they'd call spotting, but not a lot either. Still, I got angry for a moment, and then I washed my hands and plopped myself back in bed for the next few hours. I'll admit here to indulging in naps quite a bit when my kids are off at school. ;) The OB agreed that there isn't much to do, and I didn't like the idea of them doing a pelvic exam (no matter what they may or may not find, there's nothing they can do), so I stayed home.

So, that's where we are. Baby has a good strong heart rate hovering in the high 160s, and the spotting is here and there, but light and what seems to be old blood. I'll take old blood over fresh!

I am hoping this little hiccup ceases soon, of course. For now, my plans of shopping, taking the kids for their Santa photo, etc. are on hold. I feel like a slug, laying here, but I'll do it. Thankfully my husband is incredibly understanding, and if I even so much as get up to get more water, he is telling me to go lay down. This may not be his baby, but I think he worries just as much about me and the baby as if it were his. I think he feels as much responsibility as he does during any other pregnancy, which is really sweet.

Otherwise, I am feeling fine - no cramps, no puking. My appetite is still hit and miss, but that's about it. I've had extreme cravings for spicy stuff, especially buffalo chicken with ranch dip. Yummm. Hopefully I can indulge in that craving this weekend sometime.

If you read this, I know my IFs and I appreciate thoughts and prayers - that Sprout hangs around until 40 weeks pregnant (which I think he/she will!), and these little scares quit, so I can relax (and eventually get off of this couch).

9 Weeks!

Big news! You may be able to hear the heartbeat this week with the help of a Doppler, an ultrasound device that captures the chug-a-chug sound of baby's heart. The first time you hear baby's heart, your own heart may skip a beat—it's the first real evidence that there's someone growing inside you! If you can't hear the heartbeat, no worries, your doc will just check again in a few weeks. Other amazing developments this week:

Baby is beginning to move, but you won't be able to feel anything for some time.

Baby is growing nipples and hair follicles (although there's still a chance you'll be giving birth to a baldy!) His pancreas, gallbladder, bile ducts and anus are all in place, ready to poop and pee a dozen times a day when he's born. Your baby's head is half the size of his body and his little chin is tucked into his chest. His tiny tail is beginning to shrink away, giving Junior a more human and less amphibious look.

Until now, all pre-babies look the same "down there." This week, however, your baby will begin to develop either male or female genitalia. In layman terms, your baby is beginning to develop her hoo-ha or his wee-wee. While you won't be able to find out the gender of your baby for several more weeks, the version you'll give birth to is being developed right now.

At this stage, your developing fetus is 1-inch in length, about the size of a martini olive (you remember martinis, don't you?) and weighs a mere 2 grams—a little less than a penny.
SOURCE

As for me, the exhaustion is still there, maybe a teensy bit better? I am feeling the desire to get up and do more. This is partially because we have a lot planned over the next few weeks, so I'd like to start getting some of it done! I'm hoping this being tired starts to wear off by 11/12 weeks, but we'll see.

I am to have an ultrasound this week, just to make sure things look good, and hopefully that will be it for ultrasounds until 20 weeks. I'm waiting on the office to call me to schedule it. They are always booked solid, and then wait until the day of to schedule me in. Ah well!

My appetite is still pretty decent, I am feeling more open to eating other things besides just a handful of certain items. After Thanksgiving, I got stuck on my need for a turkey sandwich, so we've been eating lots of leftovers! Between stuffing (dressing) drenched in gravy and turkey? This baby will for sure come out asking for a turkey sandwich, I think.

Otherwise I'm doing well, a bit gaggy, but I'm still incredibly thankful for no real pukies. Amazing!

8 Weeks! (and a few days)

Week Eight: Starts to practice moving

You are 8 weeks pregnant. (six weeks from conception)

The embryo is measures about 18 mm (3/4 inch) in length.
Their arms and legs are growing and location of the elbows and toes are visible..
The feet and hand buds have appeared.
Starts to practice moving (not felt by mom till week 20)
The stomach is being made from part of the gut.
The face is beginning to take shape.
Your baby's mouth and nostrils are starting to develop.
Teeth begin to develop under the gums.
The eyes can now be seen as small hollows on each side of the head.

The arms and legs continue to develop - These limbs are stretching out more and more. Later on you will be feeling those feet and elbows up close and personal right in your bladder. The embryonic tail has almost disappeared.

The pituitary gland is also forming and the embryo is beginning to grow muscle fibers. The heart has divided into the right and left chambers and is beating about 150 beats a minute which is about twice the rate of an adult.

The baby's facial features are visible, including a mouth and tongue. The eyes have a retina and lens. The major muscle system is developed, and the baby starts to practice moving. The baby has its own blood type and the blood cells are produced by the liver now instead of the yolk sac.
SOURCE

I apologize for my being tardy on writing this, but I have been.. exhausted. I know you probably knew I was going to write that, but it's like the word of the day, err - MONTH? Month!

So, 8 weeks on Wednesday! YAY. I still feel pretty good. I am in shock at this point that I can count on one hand how many times I have vomited (that'd be three times!). By this time in each of my past pregnancies, it was multiple times, especially with my own children! I now blame my severe morning sickness that I had my with my kids on my husband, I am sure it's due to his sperm somehow or another. Ha. This little sprout has been even nicer than any other baby, though. If it weren't for the extreme tiredness, I'd have no real symptoms! Okay, so the belly started pooching out in the past few days. Baby is definitely moving up and pushing things up, including my fat, haha.

Maternity clothes will be brought out this weekend. There's just no avoiding it. My regular pants are tight and uncomfortable. I come home and am heading to my bedroom to change into my pajama pants before anyone else has time to take off their shoes. So, I'll be doing a couple of loads of maternity clothes this weekend. It seems so weird to be getting them out, maybe it'd seem more real if I were puking every hour? I am NOT complaining though, lol!

Seven Weeks

Week Seven: Arms and legs begin to grow

You are 7 weeks pregnant. (five weeks from conception)

The embryo is around 13 mm (1/2 inch) in length.
The heart is beating with one chamber.
A dividing wall is formed in the heart.
Arm and leg buds begin to grow.
The lower jaw and the vocal cords are beginning to form.
The mouth opening is formed.
The inner ear is being created.
The digestive tract is developing
The navel string is being created
The following organs are being formed: the lungs, the liver, the pancreas and the thyroid gland.

The baby's eyes and inner ears are starting to develop. It is about now that your baby's major organs (heart, lungs liver, spleen, and kidneys) are beginning to develop. Your baby's digestive system is becoming more refined as the stomach and intestines develop. Remember the Folic Acid you should be taking? Well, since the Neural tube (later known as spinal cord) begins to fuse, folic acid is important in preventing neural tube defects. The embryo size is about a 1/8 inch (4mm) long.

On the 26th day after fertilization, the embryo's tiny heart begins to beat. Other major organs, including the kidneys and liver, have begun to develop, and the neural tube, which connects the brain and spinal cord, closes. The physical sensations of pregnancy have started--nausea, fatigue, sore breasts and frequent urination.

The embryo's arms and legs begin to grow from buds at each side. At first the hands and feet are shaped like paddles, but the fingers soon take shape. Lenses of the eyes appear - You would notice your baby's appearance is becoming increasing like a newborn's. Brain is growing well - Did you know that over the course of the remaining months that your baby's brain will develop over 100 billion neurons? This is just the beginning.
SOURCE

So, a little update. I had the ultrasound last Friday. First of all, the tech was rude, just RUDE. I was not pleased with her, but I tried to ignore that and focus on what was important. The baby had a heart rate of 122 BPM, and measured perfectly! The tech pointed out that the baby implanted a bit lower than she liked, so she sent a message to my OB about it. My OB got back to me a bit later, and said it's not a big deal most likely, but asked me to take it easy and put me on pelvic rest (no sex/orgasms). I've had no spotting/bleeding, and just the typical cramping from the growth of the uterus, nothing bad at all. So, I am not worried! My first prenatal appointment is tomorrow, so I am hoping they'll do a quick ultrasound and find baby has moved up, but they may make me wait another week or so. We'll see!

I've been quiet here because.. I am EXHAUSTED. I'll take it, I am not complaining! But the exhaustion has set in, and all I want to do is sit or lay down, preferably lay down with my eyes closed. Ha. I am sleeping quite a bit, napping 1-2x a day minimum. The littlest of things wear me out. I feel like I am sleeping most of the time, and if not sleeping - then I am helping the kids with homework, making dinner (unless hubby is doing it, which he is a lot lately), or eating.

My nausea is here nearly 24/7, but other than three times that I've gotten sick, I'm good! The nausea just feels like I am drunk constantly, like my body is ready to rid of my stomach contents, but it never does. My food aversions are getting a bit worse, enough that we have a million leftovers in the fridge because each day I want something new. Oops! Yesterday I HAD to have a berry smoothie from Costco, so the kids and I went there real quick after school. It was so yummy, too!

My only naughty craving, which I have every pregnancy it seems? Beer. I want a cold beer. Yummmmm. OF COURSE, I do not drink when pregnant, never ever, not even a sip. And being my husband doesn't drink, it's not like we have it open in the house ever. But the idea of a cold beer, oh it sounds nummy.

I'm mainly craving protein filled foods still, though I want cookies nearly every night, lol. This is all typical first trimester stuff, and I am hoping it's only another month of sleeping all of the time before I begin getting my energy back.

Six Weeks!

By week 6, your baby's brain and nervous system are developing at a rapid pace. The larynx starts to form as does the inner ear. Optic vesicles, which later form the eyes, begin to develop this week on the side of the head, as do the passageways that will make up the inner ear. The head and tail of the embryo are formed, limb buds are present, and basic facial features begin to appear.

Your baby's heart will begin to beat around this time, and the earliest forms of the digestive and respiratory systems appear.

Because their legs are curled up against the torso for much of the pregnancy, making a full-length measurement difficult, babies often are measured from the crown to rump rather than from head to toe. In week 6 of pregnancy, your baby is 0.08 to 0.2 inches from crown to rump.
Source

While a lot may be going on for baby, I personally feel pretty good. The desire to sleep 20 hours a day has set in, but I am fairing pretty well without that much sleep. My appetite is still hit and miss, and I've found out rather quickly that spicy things are something my body has developed a dislike of. Overall I feel pretty good, and I cannot complain about the little things, because I will take them!

Our first ultrasound is on Friday, which will be 6 weeks and 2 days along. I am hoping we'll get to see a heartbeat! This is just a quick ultrasound to confirm placement and heartbeat, but I am still anxious. :)

So very true..

Pregnancy Essentials?

I came across this just a bit ago, and it began reminding me things I would (and would not) need. I thought I'd post my response to the article here, or rather, my own list of essentials based on what this guide has suggested.

The Bella Band, or rather, any band that holds the pants up and/or covers your belly when the shirt doesn't (when you lift your arms). I don't know how I survived without this invention during my first two pregnancies! It has been an absolute must have for me. For one, pants just never fit me right. If I want them to fit my length and my thighs (I was um, blessed in the thigh area), then almost always the waist is too big. Try finding maternity pants that have loops for a belt, it isn't happening. That or the elastic on the pants gets stretched out over time, and you just need something to hold them up. Not only that, but I don't want to wear a tent to cover my belly, so I have to settle with an XL top to accommodate my breasts and then my large belly. Most tops aren't long enough to cover my belly, so again, the band covers me in just the right areas!

The other thing I thought I'd mention is that a band is great for postpartum wear. When nursing or pumping, you can lift your top to feed baby (or the pump), but your postpartum belly is hidden by the band. SCORE!

The full body pillow. I'm 50/50 on this one, though I may be won over 100% by one this pregnancy. My last two pregnancies I've used pillows between my legs to help with the discomfort. But I don't like a humongous pillow between hubby and I, even in our king size bed. I find something being against my belly or my back to be uncomfortable and annoying. I have a regular body pillow that I put between my legs and it does the job. I see no reason to spend $50+ on a full body pillow (meant for pregnant women) for ME, anyway.

Body butter, lotion, whatever you want to call it. Nope. I dislike lotion in general, except on my feet. I'm just not a fan of rubbing greasy crap into my skin. Even when it's not greasy, I can FEEL it, and most have a smell to them. Fragrances of any kind are bothersome to my husband, so I avoid them in the products that I buy for myself if possible. My belly tends to itch here and there at the end of pregnancy, simply from the skin stretching, of course. But I've tried lotioning up my belly, and it honestly just drives me batty and makes me itch more!

Water bottle. This is a must have every single day of my life. My water bottle is my sidekick, that baby goes to bed with me, it goes many places with me each and everyday. So, it's an essential for life, not just pregnancy.

Tank tops are a must in my life, pregnant or not. I find the maternity tanks to be nice, in that they are longer and cover my belly better. But the ones with shelf bras I avoid at all costs. I have yet to find a shelf bra that works for women with a DD or larger cup. I'd rather wear my regular bra under a tank top, and take the risk of my bra straps showing (oh, the horror!).

Yoga pants. Ohhhhh, YES. Yoga capris and yoga shorts, more specifically. I found a pair of capris at Target, and then a pair of shorts at Old Navy. Both pair are probably four years old, yet look brand new still, and they are OH SO COMFY. I wear them when not pregnant sometimes, but during pregnancy they are so comfy. I can get away with wearing the yoga capris out and about and I don't look like I'm in my pajamas (or at least, I hope not? ha).

Practical shoes. Barefoot is the way to go for me - once again, pregnant or not. I really dislike socks and shoes, and only wear either when it's rainy or cold enough to make me desperate. When possible, I am barefoot outside, but when beyond my home and yard, I wear flip flops if I can do so. I was once told how horrible flip flops were for a pregnant woman, and I was putting my life at risk with the tripping hazard they caused me. Well, I'll put my life on the line each day, I guess, because otherwise I will be a severely grumpy gus to be in tennis shoes everyday of the pregnancy.

Pregnancy support belt. I've tried a few different brands a time or two, but meh, not for me. They don't support anything, they more or less simply pull down on my hips and butt it feels like, and push my fat into places it shouldn't be (besides the original places I wish it weren't at in the first place). I've found myself putting my hand under my belly on long walks, when it feels like my belly weighs 50 pounds. I'd rather do that than attempt to wear an itchy and non-supportive belt.

Pregnancy and birth books. I'm a fan of reading, but I prefer to do my reading about such subjects online. I prefer to be able to refer to friends for advice on these subjects as well. Not only that, but I find many books to be too strict and/or just plain wrong ("What to Expect When You're Expecting", anyone? wowza!).


As for the other things listed, I personally do not want a doula. Or rather, if I were to have a doula, I'd want it to be a friend, not someone I sought out specifically to be my doula. That's just my own comfort zone, though.

I have no desire for a yoga or prenatal fitness class either. Again, it's out of my comfort zone, and I don't think I have the time for that sort of thing. I'd rather take an hour out of my day, after the kids are in bed, and focus on me while doing light exercises or yoga in front of my Wii.

I can see why prenatal massages are an essential for some, but for me, they aren't that comfortable. I've never been overly comfortable with someone touching me, just ask my husband. I like a good foot massage, but I don't care for a stranger to rub their hands over my arms, legs, etc. I also am not comfortable laying down for that long when I am wide awake. Sign me up for a pedicure with a wonderful foot massage thrown in, but no full body massages. *shiver*

Quality take-out? Yep. Abso-freaking-lutely. I am the one that grocery shops in my house, and some may ask why my husband doesn't, but for many reasons he doesn't and I'm okay with that. I do not feel like shopping for $300 worth of food during the last month of pregnancy, but I do have three children that need to eat (along with me, hubby, and two cats). So, yes, quality take-out (not McDonald's) is a must. Or maybe I'd rather just hire a personal shopper to grocery shop for or WITH me, so they do the dirty work, and I just walk around the store with them without having to lift a finger. I think that'd be more economical, as any take-out is going to cost much more than a homemade meal. I'll bring my personal shopper home, so she can whip up a dinner (or two) as well, though!

Chiropractor - yes, though I've never had a chiro adjust me during pregnancy. But it is something I may do later on in this pregnancy, because I know much my poor body goes through towards the end. It's better to be adjusted to be at my best, so definitely worth while (and a must if your insurance will cover it!).



NOT from the list, but what I believe to be essential for me.

A pregnancy/workout ball. One of our cats popped the one from my last pregnancy, so I will be investing a few dollars ($20) in a new one. I love sitting on the ball from mid-pregnancy onwards, as it feels so good on my hips. I can lean forward, and it makes my belly feel as though it's weightless, and it just takes so much pressure off of my back and hips. Bouncing on it gently at the end of pregnancy felt great for me, and it was like a mini-workout!

Acupuncture. I haven't done acu during pregnancy, but it's something I plan on looking into this pregnancy. I am going to find someone skilled in acu for pregnant women, first. But I've loved acupuncture when not pregnant, it relaxes me like nothing else can and I feel wonderful both physically and mentally for days following a treatment. I'm a bit hesitant to do it during first trimester, which I know is said to be safe, but I'm a little paranoid during first tri in general, so..

A good and supportive bra. I'm surprised this wasn't on the list on the PhD in Parenting blog! While some women find that their breasts grow during pregnancy, that's usually not the case for me. But goodness, the achiness that develops from the horror-moans going on? Whew. I dislike sports bras, as they are much too constricting, but a supportive bra is a must during pregnancy for me.

Chapstick! Okay, this is an essential for many people at all times in their lives, I know. Maybe it's due to the increased heartrate, so I am breathing faster, but I find myself going through chapstick so quickly during my pregnancies!

That's what I can think of off of the top of my head. Admittedly, I don't need anything extra at this stage of pregnancy. Well, I do need suckers, as I suck on them to keep the nausea at bay. They don't have to be those special lollipops with B vitamins in them, I just need the flavor in my mouth, as it for whatever reason tends to make me feel better. If I think of anything else, I'll make another post about this in the future!

Because I'm a geek like that

For my own safekeeping, to look back upon later on!

My betas from this pregnancy, in a nice little graph and then a table. (Note: My health insurance carrier does this for me, I didn't totally geek out and make this graph myself, lol)

The first ultrasound is Friday, the 11th (6 weeks 2 days). One of my IFs is flying in the night before, so that will be nice that he will be able to attend the ultrasound appointment and hopefully see the heart beating away!

Five Weeks!

Week 5: The embryonic period begins

The fifth week of pregnancy, or the third week after conception, marks the beginning of the embryonic period. This is when the baby's brain, spinal cord, heart and other organs begin to form.

The embryo is now made of three layers. The top layer — the ectoderm — will give rise to your baby's outermost layer of skin, central and peripheral nervous systems, eyes, inner ear, and many connective tissues.

Your baby's heart and a primitive circulatory system will form in the middle layer of cells — the mesoderm. This layer of cells will also serve as the foundation for your baby's bones, muscles, kidneys and much of the reproductive system.

The inner layer of cells — the endoderm — will become a simple tube lined with mucous membranes. Your baby's lungs, intestines and bladder will develop here.

By the end of this week, your baby is likely about the size of the tip of a pen.
Source

A lil' update. I went and had what I had hoped was my final beta (blood draw) yesterday. I was 20 dpo and though I doubted I'd have a number of 2,000+, I went in anyway. The nurse insisted last week that I needed 2,000+ before the OB would submit the order for an ultrasound. So, I went in, came home to find an email from my OB stating she put in an order for an ultrasound already. YAY! I went to schedule that, but they are booked and will call me sometime in the next week and a half, maybe the morning of the 8th. They sounded sort of wishy washy, but I just let it go.

I found out my number for 20 dpo, and I was expecting 1100-1500 maybe. Well, the nurse told me and I started shaking - 2,744. I was just NOT expecting anything in the two thousand range, yet! I am still in disbelief, with the number, with the fact that I am really pregnant again. I feel so blessed, I just sit here and think about it and I get teary eyed.. I'm incredibly lucky. :D

The day I found out I was pregnant

So, I tend to stay away from the apps on Facebook, though sometimes I use the "God Wants You to Know" as well as one of the astrology apps.

Saturday, October 22nd, the day I found out I was pregnant, I decided to use both apps that night to see what they said. I then had to take a screen shot of them from my profile, because I found both to be so interesting for such a big day!

Do Cravings Mean Anything?

Has anyone found that certain cravings meant a particular gender?

With my twin boys, all I wanted was sweets! My daughter, I wanted protein - but it was a weird craving. Try not to gag! Scrambled eggs mixed with tuna fish on bread. Oh, I loved that, though I could only have it once a week. With my last surro son, I wanted cheeseburgers ALL OF THE TIME.

This time around, it seems to be protein is my craving again, though not burgers! I prefer hard boiled eggs, eggs, chicken, cheese, turkey. My typical pepperoni with mushroom pizza sounded good last night, so I had some but after one piece I was turned off and I can't get myself to finish the leftovers now.

My appetite is lacking overall though, and I can only eat those handful of items when I am hungry, otherwise I am drinking water and that's it. Nausea comes and goes, I've been sick three times, but otherwise I'm feeling decent. For all of the energy I've had in the past few days, I'm surprised that I am not eating more!

Have your cravings meant anything as far as gender? I have my gut feeling about the gender of this little one, and my husband (who is 5/5 in the guessing of and being correct so far!) agrees with my gut feeling. Maybe I'll reveal my feeling later on sometime. ;-)

Pregnant for Halloween (Not What You Think)

When I was 9 years old, I knew what I wanted to be for Halloween.

Pregnant.

Thankfully my mother didn't find this idea to be odd, but instead took me to the store where we bought a blow up ball. I can't recall what I wore, though I am sure it was an adult sized t-shirt. But I remember stuffing that ball underneath of my top and going around to the neighbor's homes, trick or treating and happily looking down at my "belly" many times through out the night.

Yeah, even then I knew what I wanted to do when I was older apparently! I find it odd now to think back to that, and then look at myself now and what I enjoy doing for other couples.

Pumping Wish List + My Thoughts (Part 2)

You can find Part 1 of my Pumping Wish List here.

To continue from yesterday..

Number four! Breast pads. I have yet to find a breast pad that I like, and I hope that changes this next time around. I've tried a few WAHM made cloth pads, but I leaked through them rather quickly. I did like the Lansinoh disposables in that they absorb well, but I dislike the fact that they are DISPOSABLE. I just dislike throwing a few pads away each day. So, I'm on a mission to find washable cloth pads this time around that will absorb my leaking milk. I'd rather not sleep on a towel for the first two months postpartum like before. I'd wake up each morning, even after pumping 1-2x during the night, to a puddle of milk underneath of me and a soaked towel. I'm reading good things about Bamboobies pads. So, any thoughts on well made cloth pads? Let me know!

Number five! Bottles. I obviously only need bottles to collect my milk, I then dump the milk into bags. But bottles are an important item for obvious reason, but finding the right ones is especially important. I of course want BPA free bottles, and the first 2 weeks I need 4-5 oz containers, but after that I tend to need 10-12 oz bottles (yes, per breast!). Bottles change so much each and every year, I feel like this is something I'll have to look into once again. Thankfully most (if not all?) manufacturers are making baby bottles BPA free, which is wonderful.

Number six! Lanolin cream. I tend to buy Lansinoh lanolin cream. Is there a better option, mamas? I'm unsure, honestly. I need the cream to not only soothe my poor nipples, which tend to be sore the first week or so of pumping, but also to lube the breast shields to make pumping more comfortable.


Other necessary items: a water bottle! I tend to drink around 15-20 oz of water every time I sit down to pump. So, having a bottle I can easily drink out of, that's also BPA free, is essential.

Organic Milkmaid Tea - it helps my supply, but it also tastes yummy!

Another item, or rather items, are tops that I can easily pump with. I sometimes just wear a regular big t-shirt while around the house, but it's nice to have tops that are meant for breastfeeding mothers. Most of them can easily adapt to your needs for pumping, so you can pump while covering your postpartum belly, which is wonderful. A Toni Top from PumpEase is definitely on my list of must haves, it looks like it will sufficiently cover my belly and keep me modest while I am pumping! :D

That's what I can think of for now. I obviously don't need to think seriously about these items quite yet, but I am still excited for this! I will be writing future posts on some of these items, as I plan on reviewing what I do use to give my honest thoughts on them. I know how helpful it is to have reviews from other moms of these important products, especially when these products are so important in helping feed our babies!

You can find my full Pumping Wish List here on Wishpot!

Pumping Wish List + My Thoughts (Part 1)

Wish list.. or rather my "MUST HAVE!" list. Prepare yourself for rambling, and you'll probably only find this of interest if you are looking at needing to pump in the future!

I thought I'd put together a list of what I plan on purchasing before the baby arrives. Friends and family may attest to the fact that I am a planner, I like to make sure things are in place before the event at hand. I believe this planner in me came out more after my twins arrived, showing me that I needed to think ahead or else doom and gloom could occur (okay, that's a bit dramatic!).

So, on to my list.. I am an experienced pumper, in that I've exclusively pumped more than once (first time after my twins were born, then after my surro babies). There's a lot more products on the market now that make pumping a lot easier than it was 9 years ago when my twins were born! A lot of items aren't absolutely needed, but they make pumping so much more convenient. And exclusively pumping can take a lot of time out of your day, especially if you have a baby (which I won't, of course), so convenience is worth the money it costs, I think!

Number one! A breast pump. Some women manually express their milk with their hands, I know, but I am lazy. I'd rather get my breasts out and put the shields on them and let the pump go to town in drawing the milk out of me.

As of now, I've only used Medela pumps. I used a Lactina with my twins, and it worked pretty well. I have a feeling my supply wasn't up to snuff because of the stress of newborn twins! After my surro babies, I used a Medela Pump in Style. I was worried that not having a hospital grade pump would result in lower output, but I found that I am what some call a hyperlactator - I make around 100 ounces day even with the Pump in Style!

I debated between Medela, Hygeia, Ameda, but in the end I am pretty sure I will go with my tried and true pump from the past (though I'll have to get a new one, since I passed along my old one to a friend).

Number two! Breast milk storage bags. I've tried various bags, and it seems all have occasional issues. Overall I've found that I like Lansinoh bags, and while they've leaked a time or two in the thawing process, there's a way to avoid wasted milk. You put the frozen bag of milk into a Ziploc bag, then put the Ziploc into a bowl of hot water to thaw the milk. Even on the rare occasion that a bag leaked, it leaked into the Ziploc, so we could get the milk out of the Ziploc and baby could still have that milk! Obviously, being an EPer that doesn't have a baby at home, the thawing process is of no concern to me really. Though I do want to make sure that whatever bags I put my milk into won't be leaking or what have you for my surro baby's family or any other family I may donate too.

I am debating on trying some other bags this time around - I've heard wonderful things about Honeysuckle brand, and I've yet to try Simplisse as well. Again, any thoughts? Reply to this post!

Number three! A hands free pump bra. This is something I did not have with my twins, and I can't tell you how many times I sat there, holding the pump shields to my breasts.. frustrated. From having to itch your nose or grab something from a few feet away, it wasn't possible, unless you wanted to prop the bottle on your thigh, praying the shield didn't fall from your breast and lose suction! Ugh!

So, I am definitely going to get a pump bra. Last time I used an Easy Expressions Bustier, but I wasn't all that pleased with it. It seemed to stretch out rather easily and very quickly, even though it was tight at first! I was bummed. This time around, I am going to try the Simple Wishes bra as well as the PumpEase. Overall, the PumpEase looks to be easier to use, but this is just from my seeing images online in comparing the two! I read the reviews for PumpEase on Amazon, and as one woman said, she just wore it around her abdomen and when needing to pump, she pulled it up over her breasts and put the shields in and began pumping. I plan on having at least 2-3 pump bras available, just in case one is dirty, also one to have on the go, one for home. I want to make this as easy as possible on me, since EPing at first is incredibly time consuming!


Part two of my Pumping Wish List will be posted tomorrow!

Getting Darker! (Update!)

A few people (okay, a lot) have asked why I keep testing, when I am in fact pregnant?! I like to see the lines get darker. It's like reassurance that the pregnancy is progressing! That and I like being able to see the positives now, ha.

They're getting darker! Top to bottom, in case it's hard to read my writing: 12 dpo 1am; 12 dpo 9pm; 13 dpo 3pm; 14 dpo 9pm (Monday, the 24th - Wednesday, the 26th)

These particular tests I am really loving, as the result line grows gradually darker each day. I wish I could say the same about First Response or Answer, but I can't. :( These tests though, they are Aimsticks/Aimstrips, which I've always loved. While BabyHopes no longer has the ones in the cartridges, you can buy the individual strips. I also had to plug BabyHopes real quick, as I love their company! Great customer service, prompt shipping, they include a packet of "baby dust" with each order (so cute!) and they've been around for awhile. :)

I'll be doing one more beta today, I think. Just a little reassurance that the number is increasing as it should. I have no doubt that it is, but it's just nice to have that extra, "Yep, it's going great so far!" Hopefully I will have my result later this evening. I will update THIS post with my number!

Update as of 10pm: Either the lab lost the vial of blood, or they are extremely slow today in getting results. I'll be calling the OB in the morning to hopefully get my result, and to also schedule the 6 week ultrasound to confirm placement and heartbeat! :)

Update as of Friday, the 28th at 4:20pm: 270! This gives a doubling time of 34.89 hours, which is fantastic! I go in mid-next week for one more draw, hopefully it's 2,000+ and then they will put in an ultrasound order. So excited!

Between a rock and a .. oh, nevermind

I'm active on Facebook. And for those on my Facebook friends list, you're laughing at that, because I am more than active. It's my addiction, I admit, and it's because I am a stay at home mom and don't get out as much as I'd like. So, Facebook is my way of socializing with friends and moms, and it's a good outlet for me.

But I'm struggling with something and I guess my blog is a good place to let it all out. I have a few friends on my FB that are dealing with infertility. Some of them have children, some do not, but regardless, they are unable to conceive a child for one reason or another. Some have tried IUI, IVF, etc. and put thousands upon thousands of dollars into their journey to having a child, and they still do not have a child. It's heartbreaking to see, and I ache for them. I mean, seeing more than one friend struggle with infertility, and then seeing one friend lose her baby to stillbirth - it's what brought me to surrogacy!

So, why am I struggling? I posted our due date on FB as a status and then my "Pregnant" digital test. It was met with a lot of congrats to myself and my IF's, but I was sad in a sense, because I didn't want to post those things and potentially hurt my friends who are still waiting for their blessings.

And I know a majority of them would say, "Don't worry!" and tell me I've tried with my IF's for awhile, I should post on my FB about the pregnancy, etc. But it's hard to listen to them, to believe them, because ultimately.. they are still waiting and I get teary eyed every time I think about it. It's partly why I haven't said as much on my FB this week about the pregnancy as I may otherwise say. And it's NOT their faults, it's my own desire to hold back. It's another reason I started this blog as well, so I could blab here all I wanted without fear of making someone upset.

It feels like a delicate balance sometimes, but I wouldn't trade this for the world. What I mean is, I have so many wonderful friends, and I feel blessed to know them for one reason or another (many reasons!). I just hope that they understand that I may post occasionally on my FB about the pregnancy, but that they are still in my thoughts constantly, and that I wish them nothing but the best. I don't want anyone to think that I am trying to rub anything in either. I will try and keep to my blog, because God knows this has been ALL that is on my mind in the past few days. And as evidenced by my frequent posts here already, I have a lot I need to get out, a lot I want to remember for later on.

Ramble ramble! ;-)

I'll Take It!

My beta on Sunday was 24, and today? 100! :O I was not expecting it to be that high, but I am very happy with it, of course. That gives us a doubling time of 24.28 hours, which is awesome!

My tests are continuing to get darker, which is nice to see. I love the reassurance of peeing on a simple little stick and getting a solid line (err, two solid lines rather). It's nice to be able to get positives now.

We'll be four weeks along tomorrow. I am a little gaggy, my lower back HURTS, but that's about it so far. I was worried about my lower back hurting already, but apparently it's due to the progesterone and it softening up the discs and such in my back. Fun times! I'll take it!

I put in an email to my OB, requesting an ultrasound during the sixth week to confirm placement and heartbeat.

I am still in disbelief that we are pregnant. It's amazing. And for now, I am savoring the ability to sleep on my stomach, because I know soon enough it will not be an option! ;)

Video of the Digital Test

Well, one of the digitals I've taken. I did this purely to show my IF's.

This was taken tonight - 12 dpo at 9pm. For a recap, my beta was 24 on 11 dpo at noon. I have a second beta tomorrow at noon!

Your Pregnancy Calendar - Oct 23rd, 2011

Your Pregnancy Calendar

Today is Sunday October 23rd 2011.

You conceived on Wednesday October 12th 2011
and your due date is Wednesday July 4th 2012.

11 days have passed since the conception,
and you are 255 days before your due date.

You are 3 weeks into your pregnancy,
and you have 37 weeks to go.

You are in the 1st trimester.


4% of your pregnancy has passed, there is 96% left to go.

Source: AmazingPregnancy.com

Symptoms as of yesterday and today:

Acne (gross!)
Sweating like crazy (thanks progesterone!)
Lower back pain
Super tender breasts
Gagging over intense smells
Tired, had to nap

Tests & Blood Draws

I went into the lab today to have my blood drawn. My number just after 12pm was 24! That's great, and I was expecting it to be in the 20's! The average beta # for 11 dpo according to BetaBase? 24! I found that funny. Anyway, I go back Tuesday just after 12pm for another draw, and that number should be at least 48. *fingers & toes crossed*

I took more tests tonight, and my Wondfo (pink handled tests) got dramatically darker from this morning. I took an EPT Digital and it showed 'pregnant' as well. :)

Next Summer Sounds Nice

(I wrote this Saturday night)

You know that post I wrote earlier today? The one where I blathered on about thinking this was it, yadda yadda *bleeping* yadda?

I lied.

Sort of.

If I put PSYCH! in really big text on my blog post, will you laugh or be mad?

Well, I didn't lie, and maybe once you read the next line you will be laughing like I just was.

I'm pregnant.

Yep.

I gave up early on this cycle, figuring I'd have my positive by the evening of 9 dpo (days past ovulation). But an embryo can implant anywhere between 6 and 10 dpo on average, so I gave up too early. I am just used to this not working, I guess?

I took a test today (Saturday, 10 dpo) at 1:45pm or so and had a super duper faint squinter of a line. The kind where you hold the test up under every light in your house, squint really hard, maybe even stand on your head to help yourself see the line. I scanned it in and a few friends said they thought they saw it as well, but I remained in denial, 'cause what cycle is this? Who knows.

I get home from my in-law's tonight, tested at 10pm and I began squinting. I then got mad at myself, laid that sucker down on the table and walked away for a couple of minutes. I ventured back rather quickly, didn't even need to squint. There it was. A line. TWO LINES actually. A positive pregnancy test.

I began shaking, ran down the hall and threw open the bathroom door to a perturbed husband to tell him that I was pregnant. I couldn't exactly jump around with excitement with him, so I instead called my mother in law. I was shaking and almost crying, my voice was even shaking from how excited I was.

A beautiful positive. A light positive, but that stick is positive!

Now to hope and pray like mad that this little baby sticks around, that he or she makes their debut next summer.

Oh, the little one is due July 4th, 2012 - Independence Day! Love it.

(Digital test taken Sunday morning (11 dpo) at 11am)

Cycle # Whatever!

Well, "Cycle # Whatever!" is coming to a close. Yep, negative.

I felt like this one was going to work, I really did. So, when at 9 and then 10 dpo the negatives continued and no positives popped up? It shocked me.

But I've already started looking into sperm storage, as schedules just don't allow us to be traveling back and forth to one another. Plus, we're going to try meds. Yep. And many of my friends and family know how against meds I am for an otherwise fertile woman, but at this point, I'm open to trying them. Maybe if we had a couple of targets vs. just one, maybe we'd conceive? I mean, we're going to get this eventually, I know that. I've been researching med protocols, clinics, you name it.. quite a bit, as I want to be educated on this and know what I am getting myself into.

So, meds and either a home insem next cycle or IUI, not sure quite YET. I'll hopefully have a plan ironed out early next week after I make some phone calls on Monday.

Fingers crossed for "Cycle # Who's Counting?"!

Well, that didn't last long.

It's the evening of 6 dpo (days past ovulation). And while I was not anxious or impatient as of 24 hours ago, I can't say the same now.

I'm kind of perturbed that the impatient anxious bug has bit me, but also happy that it didn't happen until now. But it's still much too early to test, so I instead go between debating on when to test vs. trying not to think about it and focus on other things going on this week.

I'm so hopeful for this cycle, and trying to keep in mind that our timing was great. Most of the time I am focusing on staying positive, but the "what ifs" sneak in every so often and I start getting teary eyed.

I watched a birth video on YouTube tonight and was so teary eyed. Seeing that mama holding her baby, I felt pangs of jealousy. It's weird to feel that, because I am anxious to hold my surro babe, but more so to see him or her with my IF's. But I know what it takes to get to that point and that is of course pregnancy! I long for the feeling of a little bean rolling around, kicking, punching my bladder. I'll take three months of daily morning sickness, because it would be worth it.

Just a few more days and we'll know. A few more days.

Coleslaw, Donuts..

What do these two things have to do with each other?

They're the only "foods" I've eaten today. (Quotes used as I am not sure I'd consider donuts to be a food necessarily)

I woke up this morning and I was STARVING. And then I found myself in the kitchen, not even wanting to see the inside of the fridge. So, I plopped down on the couch, trying to wake up, debating on what to eat. I eventually realized we had leftover coleslaw, so what was for breakfast? A few bites of coleslaw, before I suddenly had an aversion. (I love coleslaw!)

I spent part of the day at my parents house. And they had donuts, so I had two glazed donuts (my weakness, yummmmm). But even those I felt like I had to choke down, as I was hungry, but again - nothing sounded good.

Here I sit at 6:30pm, the kids had dinner and I couldn't get myself to do more than blend up a piece of pineapple core + berry juice and drink that.

I have no idea if this is all due to a pregnancy or what. I've had friends joke that it is, but this not having an appetite thing when I'm otherwise healthy is so very unlike me. Typically I have no problem eating and then usually wanting sweets in between. I have two boxes of donuts sitting on the dining room table, and ZERO desire.

Very odd. Maybe it's nothing, but I momentarily thought earlier, "My first symptom with my first surro babe was NO appetite.. hmm." And before anyone says it's too early for symptoms, which I believe somewhat, lookie at the study I found recently. ;)

Early Pregnancy Factor

Maybe I'll go eat a piece of bread, just to add to my wide array of meals I've had today. Ha.

Babies & Dinner

Originally written Tuesday, October 11th, 2011 at 11pm (cycle day 11, second day of insems on cycle # whatever (I've stopped counting)).

We went to dinner tonight. While sitting there, enjoying our food, talking.. one of your daddies saw a family walking through the restaurant. The father was holding a tiny little baby, who I guesstimated to be no more than two weeks old. All three of us sat there, watching this man holding this gorgeous little being. I didn’t have to be near the little one in order to smell that newborn smell everyone loves and talks about. I could look at that tiny little head, with the swirls of gorgeous brown hair, and I smelled that smell. And then I began picturing your daddies holding you, loving on you. As I turned back to look at your fathers, I saw the looks on their faces as they sat quietly watching the baby and its father.

Every cycle I think to myself, “I know why we’re here. I know why we’re trying. I don’t need any more confirmation; this is what we are to be doing!” But every cycle something happens, something that makes me step back and say, “Just another reason I am helping make these men become the daddies they deserve to be.” And seeing them watch this little baby, the love in their eyes, the possibilities in their future with you eventually blessing them.. it was just more confirmation for me.

Just a simple dinner that turned into a memory that I will carry in my heart forever.

My Hopes Aren't Up

Okay, my hopes are up. I don't even mind, I'm not even mad at myself for admitting this. My hopes are UP. I am excited. A couple of days ago I let this thought enter my head, "If this cycle doesn't work, I am going to be so pissed." Honestly, I'm at the pissed point and I don't apologize. I used to tell myself that we haven't been trying for all that long, some people try for much longer (surrogacy or not). For me to be pissed is not selfish, it's just an honest feeling that I am allowed to have.

But I am doing my best to not focus on that thought. I don't want to think about it, because for now, we are to remain hopeful for this cycle. We have no reason NOT to be, right? Exactly. My hopes are up and I can't deny it, and I am excited and feeling positive.

We've done two days of insems now (Monday and Tuesday), with tomorrow being our third and final day. I got a nearly positive ovulation test on Sunday night, which was a touch earlier than usual for me, but then it was completely positive Monday night. I would have had a positive ovulation test before the night hours, I am sure, but somehow *I* forgot to test all day. If you know me, you know how out of character that is for me. I mean, surrogacy and pregnancy has been on my mind more than ever before in the past couple of days. ;)

So, ovulation may be tonight, maybe tomorrow. Our timing is.. I almost dislike this word for fear of .. oh hell, who cares? Our timing is perfect. There. I SAID IT.

And while some (my husband...) may laugh at me, I am so excited that tomorrow is a full moon. This means little to most, I know, but it's believed by some that women are more fertile when they are ovulating along with the full moon! Hey, I'll take it.

To finish this blog post, I have to make note of how emotional I have been over the past two days. I am crying over the littlest of things (happy things, thankfully). This isn't like me at all, but here I am, dried tears on my face having just watched Parenthood on TV. It was a great episode that included the birth of a baby and good news regarding an adoption, and I was a mess of tears by the end of the show. It must be the hormones surrounding ovulation that are making me like this? I find it funny.

Have I mentioned that I'm hormonal and my hopes are up? Someone take stock in Kleenex asap.

September 29th, 2011

It’s the end of September and quite honestly, I thought I’d be halfway through a pregnancy at this point. Had you told me in March that by October I would not yet be pregnant, I just wouldn’t have believed you. I mean, my first two journeys I got pregnant relatively quickly both times. Hell, the second journey it was the first cycle. I now look back and realize how lucky we were! I of course wish we were pregnant already, but I think it’s taught everyone in this journey quite a bit about being patient. And though the saying makes me want to smack it around, you know, if I could smack a saying around. ;) I think it’s true in that “everything happens for a reason.” Now if someone told me that at this moment? They may receive a dirty look from me in response.

Overall I’ve gained a lot of patience and acceptance in that this will happen when it should. I don’t understand why it hasn’t happened yet. I don’t understand why we’ve suffered one suspected loss and one for sure loss. And as sad as both are, I am thankful that both happened so early that we didn’t get attached to the little person inside. Not to say I didn’t have a good cry into my pillow last cycle, because I did.

I am ready to be pregnant. Oh. So. Ready. It’s hard to see other surrogates trying and getting pregnant so easily. Granted, the majority of them are gestational surrogates, so they go through IVF and have MUCH better chances of a pregnancy resulting. I try to keep that in mind.

We’re coming up on another cycle.. honestly, I think it’s six but I’ve lost count. I really have no desire to go back through my cycle tracking software to see what number cycle this is for us. Does it matter? No. It doesn’t change anything or where we stand now. The guys are flying in in about two weeks time or so. I hesitate about telling anyone we are trying this cycle. On one hand I want the positivity from people, on the other I just want to keep to myself. I've had some people asking, so I may as well let the cat out of the bag. We could use good thoughts, right? Sure. I am praying that we will have good news to share in a month’s time. :)

Who Am I?

I'm a mom. A wife. And while I'm pretty decent with grammar, I like to tear it apart at times, so there's your warning.

So, yes, I am a mother to three - twins and a singleton. My husband and I knew after our daughter that we were DONE DONE DONE. But I loved being pregnant, so what's a girl to do? I'd pondered egg donation and surrogacy since I was a teenager, but I figured it was some far off dream that could never happen. Here I am in 2011 and I've given birth to two babies for other people. I had a baby in early 2008 and then another baby in mid 2010. I was pretty sure that my last surrogacy was it for me, but I got the bug again and here I am.. trying to get pregnant for a WONDERFUL couple and hopefully have a 2012 baby for them!

I've had other blogs, but I dropped them after awhile as I felt pressured (by myself) to keep up. It was also difficult for me to withhold my emotions, as I felt I should do so as not to overwhelm anyone, I guess? I have a difficult time with being open about my feelings with people, but that's something I should work on, I guess. So, while I'm of course going to be honest in this blog, I am not going to hold back.

Hopefully this blog will have some good news soon. ;)