Weirdness.

There's a belly. And it's mine. Weird.

I was cooking dinner tonight. Oh, lets get off on a little aside here (there's no such thing as little asides with me, but anyway). The doctor/nurse stated that I could take quick trips out if I took it easy, and if nothing happened (leakage), I could slowly increase this over a few days time. So, I went out today - to the grocery store. And it was heaven. Hello, choppy sentences, eh? I was elated! I was driving, the sun was in my eyes, and I was not at all irritated by that blinding light, but actually thrilled. I took my time in the store, watching people rush around. The stores are so chaotic around the holidays, and I did my best not to contribute to that nuttiness.

Like I said, there's never a little aside with me!

Back to the weirdness. I was making dinner tonight and caught a glimpse of myself in my kitchen window. I had a belly. I stood there, slowly turning to catch myself at all angles and I thought, "There's really a baby in there. Whoa." Because that fact hadn't occurred to me prior to this apparently. I continued on with dinner, and then I kept looking at myself, and I began feeling kind of weird staring at myself, so I stopped. It also began to hit me that for a brief time, there were two babies in there. I no longer feel sad about that fact, just relieved that Sprout stuck around.

I listened quickly for the heartbeat tonight and couldn't find it at first. I panicked, it wasn't in the typical spot. I searched and found my own heartbeat over and over, but nothing that sounded like a galloping horse. I began to curse myself for listening, as I was sure Sprout was fine. I then had the thought to scan a bit upwards, and there it was - a heartbeat that sounded like a galloping horse - a good 2" above where it was a few days ago. This could explain why at only (nearly) 11 weeks, my pudge is being pushed out by Sprout. I love how he or she is way above my pubic bone, and proving my OB wrong in that babies don't always stay that low until end of first trimester.

It's still weird. I think I had resigned myself to the fact after my last journey that I was done. I had just went through so much, that I thought I should save myself from more potential heartache in the future. But who am I to quit when I don't truly want too? That's not me. So, back in the saddle, here I am.. with a belly. Amazing. I am thrilled each and everyday of this journey that I decided to take the plunge again, and then with who I am doing this with and for - the two most amazing men. I've already decided to take stock in Kleenex, because I'm going to be a mess of tears come D-Day when I see those men holding their long awaited baby boy or girl.