An Interesting Time

Warning: Rambling about pumping breast milk is included below.

So, I'm about 1.5 weeks postpartum right now. It's been.. interesting. This leg thing has thrown me for a loop, but I'm adapting pretty quickly. I don't use the walker right now, though I imagine I will here and there for longer trips out. My leg brace is saving my life right now. Well, my sanity. Thank goodness for that, even though it's a pain in the butt (quite literally at times).

The good news is, I was sitting at the dining room table yesterday, eating my lunch. I had the brace half undone, as I need to bend my knee a bit when sitting at our table. I thought to myself, "I'm going to lift my leg up." So I look at my leg and lift it.. and I got my foot up about a foot or so from the floor. I held it there for 5 seconds easily. I put it down and looked over at my husband and half-shouted at him that I just lifted my leg up! He got up to come over and see and this time I took the brace off completely and did it again. Amazing. It didn't drop down like dead weight either, though I had to lower it quickly as the pain from holding it up wasn't feeling too good.  I haven't been able to raise it again like that since, but I am pretty sure this is just a reminder that this process is going to be slow. I'll take slow as long as I regain my ability to walk again (without the brace, without hurting my lower back from said brace!).

I still can't talk much about my leg without crying. So, if you know me in real life and try to talk to me about it, well - don't. It's a pretty emotional topic for me. I can talk with hubby, but most anyone else and I just want to cry. I'd be taking it easy either way, yes, but this has limited me quite a bit and that's been very emotional for me. I've been sleeping on the couch since I was discharged from the hospital. Just the idea of strapping the brace on to get up and pump during the night sounds like a royal pain, plus I'd wake my husband (the velcro on the straps is LOUD!). So, I sleep on the couch, then when it's time to pump, I wake and sit up and pump. I don't have to worry about waking anyone and I don't have to strap the brace on a few times a night either. But hubby is starting to ask when I'm going to start sleeping in our bed again, so I think him sleeping alone is bothering him now. I need to figure this out, what is easiest and best, but it's not easy..

As for pumping, I am so so proud of my body! My supply is increasing a bit each and every day so far. At first it was growing by 5 ounces a day, but it's slowed a bit, though I am NOT complaining. Yesterday I pumped 36.85 ounces! I think it's safe to say that that number is above what Sprout is taking in at this point! I'm elated. I'd still like my supply to increase a bit more, as I'd like to get ahead of him by a bit more. I am pumping 9 - 11 times a day. I typically pump for 20 - 35 minutes each time, so geesh - I'm spending just over 4 hours a day pumping?! It doesn't feel like it at least. And I'm finding pumping to be pretty relaxing, so that's nice.

I need to get my first shipment out to Sprout today, though. I am nervous about shipping milk across the country. It can be done, it is done often, and I'm sure things will be fine. I know the ins and outs of how to do this, but handing off my precious milk, which I've been working SO hard for, is slightly stress inducing! :O I'll be sure and take photos later today. I am proud of what I've done. Part of this is due to my supply or lack thereof when I was pumping for my twins. I remember how upset I was then at how poorly my body was doing or that's how I saw it. So, to have a good supply now? Yes, I am excited.

According to my Milk Maid app, I have 5.64 liters or approximately 190 ounces of milk. That's not including what I pumped and gave to the daddies before they left last week, it only includes what's for sure in my freezer right now.

So, all in all things could be worse with the leg, but they aren't and for that I am thankful. When I think about the surgery and everything I was up against, I think what I'm dealing with now is pretty minimal, even though I'd love to have the use of my leg back soon, haha. And the pumping is going great, plus it's been educational for my kiddos. They find it fascinating that I can make this, and it's made for some interesting conversations in our house lately. I like that they are so interested and are comfortable asking questions. The boys seem more interested than my daughter. :)

And for some photos.. because it's my blog and I can put these here and not feel like I'm boasting! :P

Some of the freezer stash

One days worth of milk ready to be bagged

One days worth of milk ready to freeze

Love this app!

Pumping and Napping

That's all I'm doing lately or so it feels like. Pumping and napping. Being stuck on the couch due to my leg probably means that I am napping more than I would if my leg actually worked. I am pumping 8-10 times per day, including two pumps during the middle of the night when I'd be sleeping. Getting at least one pump in between 1 and 5am is vital right now, since prolactin levels (the hormone that makes you make milk) are at their peak then. I am so glad I can nap when I want and need, it's been really helpful. I am not the type to nap typically, but lately it's been needed! My husband is getting used to walking into the living room and finding me zonked out on the couch.

Pumping is going quite well, I think. My supply is steadily increasing each day. I keep track on an app on my phone (MilkMaid). It's neat (for a geek like me, ehem) to see how much I am producing and how it's increasing! I'll have to do some screen shots of it soon. I am not even using the app to it's full potential, just for basic record keeping, but I LOVE it and suggest it for any mama that is pumping even part time!

My husband has been great. He's been helping me with storing milk, washing bottles, making sure I am taking my vitamins (I am still scatterbrained lately!), keeping my water bottle filled, etc. I have a little setup around the couch, which makes the living room look cluttered, but with being sort of disabled for a bit, it's what works for me! I have my pump supplies in their basket, but then my table with my vitamins, my water bottle, and so on. I then have a bag of snacks near where I sit, full of protein filled snacks, and some of the lactation cookies I had baked (and froze) just before I had Sprout. I am currently eating these cookies: Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Lactation Cookies by Noel Trujillo They are SO good. I altered the recipe a bit by adding fenugreek and blessed thistle too it. I don't know if they're helping my supply, I eat them more because I prefer snacks right now, and they are just GOOD! I don't feel badly eating them like I would other cookies either.

I said goodbye to Sprout and his daddies on Monday. My husband and I went out to dinner with them, which was nice. We talked quite a bit and then Sprout was hungry, only I guess he just wanted to snack. It was the last day that I'd ever nurse a baby. There I sat in the Olive Garden taking photos of him nursing. I am sure some people thought I was strange, but I didn't care. And here is the first and one of the few photos I'll probably post of him on this blog. He is so gorgeous, but then, I am biased! This was our last nursing session. Such a little love he is. :)

I also gave the guys the milk (colostrum!) I had pumped between Saturday evening and Monday afternoon.

 

I was and am pretty proud of that actually! I've already started putting some in the freezer since then, and that's been a great feeling as well. It makes the work of this worth it, to see what is Sprout's food, what his daddies will feed him. And yes, I will be taking photos of my frozen milk before I ship it off. Do you expect any less of me? Ha.

I'm doing pretty good otherwise. My leg is still useless, and I am getting better at strapping on the immobilizer quickly. I use the walker around home, but out and about I tend to hold on to my husband's arm as it's easier on me. The walker is causing me some pain in my back and in my good leg, so I am learning quickly how to get around without it (but doing my best to be safe, of course).

I am excited to see where pumping goes over the next few days to few weeks. It's interesting, to me, to see my supply gradually increasing. The human body is amazing, and I'm once again reminded of this fact!

Neuropraxia aka why my left leg doesn't work

Neuropraxia: The temporary failure or impairment of functions due to a disorder of the nervous system.

Well, we figured out what is wrong with my left leg. During my surgery last week, they used metal retractors (clamps) to hold me open during the hysterectomy. One of these retractors pushed on the femoral nerve, which caused damage to the myelin surrounding the nerve. Myelin is sort of like a protective coating, but if it's damaged at all, the nerve can malfunction or turn itself "off" until the myelin has healed. So, this is what happened to me most likely.

The femoral nerve makes my quadricep work, so this means that if the nerve won't work, the muscle does not, of course. My lower leg works fine, I can move my ankle and toes all around. But I can't lift my thigh up, much less lift my foot up. Well, I can about 1-3" (it varies each time I try), but it stays up for 1-5 seconds before it falls back down involuntarily. Walking is out of the question, as when I try, my knee falls forward.

So, I am in a knee immobilizer (it goes from just below my groin area to my ankle) and a walker. I have to use a lot my upper body strength to walk, but due to the incision and laying in bed for a few days, my upper body isn't feeling so strong. I'm getting up a few times a day. I strap some bags to the walker and fill it with pump supplies that need washed, milk that needs stored away, along with my water bottle to refill, etc. I do that, then make a trip to the bathroom to empty my catheter bag (which I have until Wednesday due to a bladder repair during surgery, and the urologist wanting my bladder to have time to heal). It's time consuming, but I'm getting the hang of it! The knee immobilizer is a pain more than anything else, but meh, it keeps me up, so that's good.

We don't know how long I'll need help walking before my leg begins working again. It could be two weeks, it could be a month, or many months. There's a slight possibility of it being permanent, but the neuro is hopeful it's not, so I'm hopeful as well!

Otherwise, I am feeling great. There's some minor incision pain near my navel but that's it. I'm more teary-eyed than usual, but not feeling down or anything. I was upset last night, as I was waiting for my walker to be delivered (the hospital wouldn't let me buy one, LONG STORY). The walker wasn't delivered until nearly midnight as the healthcare place was running late. So I was a bit down about that, but I have it now and feel so much better. :) Things could be worse, and I think that thought is what has me hopeful about my leg recovering, and knowing this cath will be removed on Wednesday has me happy as well.

Other than pumping a lot and resting a lot, that's about it. I'll have to update later about pumping. I'm so excited at seeing what I've produced so far. :)

Sprout's Birthday

Wednesday, June 13th.

I woke up at 7am and laid in bed for longer than I should have. I was tired, and just not feeling motivation to get moving. I eventually got up and suddenly we were running late. Oops. Nerves hit me and I had to get sick a few times. My husband then asked how I was doing, and I began crying. I wasn't sad, just very overwhelmed. On the way to the hospital, hubby began talking about other things and at one point I said something and he said he was trying to keep my mind off of things. :)

We got to the hospital, checked in, and went upstairs to the surgery check in. Sprout's dads stayed in the waiting room with Tom, and I got taken back to get prepped. Lots of doctors and nurses. Tons. Everyone was really positive.. except my OB. I did my best at ignoring her, "This could go bad" talk as I was just tired of hearing it already. Eventually Tom was brought back to sit with me for awhile. The nurses were all horrified to hear that no one was going into the OR with me. I explained why, but then the anesthesiologist and OB came in and said Tom could go in with me. *sigh* Really? After you both just nearly pleaded with me last week to not have anyone in with me? Tom and I talked briefly, but we decided he'd stay out. I know he would have went in a second had I asked him, but overall I felt it best for me and him for him to stay out.

And then the OB and anesthesiologist said they wanted me to stay awake for the entire thing. Here I was prepping myself for the idea of general anesthesia, and they had changed their minds. I was a bit irritated. I am such a planner, that someone changing something I had planned on just grates on my nerves. I was also terrified that I'd begin freaking out on the table, in which case they'd put me out anyway!

I got my epidural, instead of the spinal (spinal only lasts 3 hours, they wanted something that would last longer). Arching your back like a cat with a HUGE belly in front of you is not easy. And then a nurse is reaching up underneath of your gown to track baby on the monitor and make sure his heart sounds okay. LOL. But I got the epidural and then a central line along with two IVs. I was taken back to the OR rather quickly, and they began prepping me more - getting yet another IV in me, making sure the donor blood they had was correct, etc.

The doctor came in to do the stents in my ureters. Between this, the IVs (my veins were being a pain), a quick xray to verify something or another, etc.? It was overwhelming. The anesthesiologist began dosing my epidural and the shakes started. I've never shook so bad during a c-section. It was horrible. I had a nurse on either side holding my hands, as my arms were practically jumping off of the table (seriously). I had tears pouring out of my eyes continuously, and they thought something was wrong, but that's just what I do when I'm shaking!

It took an hour and a half in the OR of prepping before they got down to business. They did the section and I quickly heard Sprout being pulled out, suctioned a tiny bit and then he screamed. I was hoping to get to see him but no such luck. They took him over to wrap him up and got him out of there within two minutes it seemed like. I was then told my hysterectomy was beginning. Ugh, I wish they'd just put me under, but I was shaking so hard I couldn't ask for that when I thought of it. The anesthesiologist began giving me meds to relax me and that helped the shaking for about five minutes before it returned worse than ever. Dang it.

I tried my best not to listen to the doctors doing the hysterectomy. At one point I heard how much blood I was losing, and I remember wondering how much more I could lose before... I don't know? I then began ignoring them more so, to the best of my ability anyway. Nurses and anesthesiologist were great, they were asking me continuously if I was okay. I was so hoped up on whatever meds I'd been given, I could barely talk. When I could talk, I was slurring my words, and I just got frustrated and gave up replying to them. I'd instead shake my head yes or no when they'd ask and leave it at that.

I fell asleep a few times during the hysterectomy, which was SO nice. I believe the surgery went from 10am to just after 2pm? I was in recovery then for just over an hour before being taken to my room. I was so anxious to see the baby and the daddies, but the nurses were doing other things, which I understood. Finally they got the guys and baby brought into the room, and then my husband.

The rest of the day was quite a blur. From 4 to 7 pm I was in a lot of pain around my incision site. I was asking the nurse to give me a different med, as the med in the pump wasn't working. She upped the dose, and I requested she not and just give up (I was that sure it wasn't working, I was that frustrated and in pain), but she kept telling me to hit the button every 15 minutes. Well, I was, but the pain was getting worse. I was so frustrated, trying not to cry, I was shaking at one point and twitching my feet to take my mind off of it somewhat. I found myself doing deep breaths, and eventually the nurse asked something about pain (I think the scale of 1-10, to which I said 9, and I began crying and trying to suppress my desire to moan through the pain).

The nurse couldn't figure it out, finally said she'd ask my OB to approve Ibuprofen or Tylenol. But the doctors were busy, as I was told, which only frustrated me (I am not a good person to be around when I'm in pain). Then Tylenol was approved, but the nurse forgot to bring it. In the end, another nurse came in and checked out the medication pump to find out the pump wasn't working. It was supposed to be beeping each time I hit the button, but I didn't know that. Well, it wasn't beeping. So three hours with no meds. Never want to do that again, no thanks. My poor husband was even trying to emphasize to them that I am the type who only needs Ibuprofen for 2-3 days after a section, so something was obviously not good this time. Ah well. They figured it out, and I was so thankful for that second nurse. :)

I did end up losing my uterus and cervix. The OB didn't elaborate (yet), but said there was no way around it once they were in there, I guess. The plus to this? They didn't have to knead my belly (uterus) post-op, so I didn't have to deal with that pain and irritation. I was trying to find the positives in this yesterday, can you tell?

I lost just over 2.5 liters of blood, so I had 3 transfusions. My bladder had scar tissue on it, so they removed the scarring as much as they could, but then had to repair the bladder which created a weak spot that had to be further repaired. I have to have a catheter for 7 days in order for my bladder to heal properly. Things went well for the most part, and thankfully I was not given morphine (I'm apparently allergic, as we've found out the previous two sections). So while I'm somewhat itchy, I'm not excessively itchy!

Sprout is doing well. He's a bit sleepy, which everyone attributes to him being a 37 weeker (it may be "term" but it's not 39/40+ weeks either). I've gotten him to latch a few times with a lot of work, but otherwise I am pumping to keep that stimulation going.

Most of the staff here has been wonderful, which is different than my previous two surrogacys. They even gave Sprout's daddies their own room across the hall, which I found to be wonderful. The lactation consultant has been great, she was so happy I had colostrum for Sprout (for the time in which I was still in surgery). She was so nice to the guys, and then she came in to help me to get Sprout to latch. (Moving around to get comfy plus latch a baby isn't so easy with an incision in the middle of your belly) She was so nice, I just couldn't get over it! The other really wonderful one was the baby nurse that was with me during prep, the surgery and then met with the guys and helped them with the baby, I believe. She is a total sweetheart. She made sure to remember the guys names, which was funny, because she kept repeating their names to herself, even during the surgery - which made me laugh.

The nurse that found my medication pump not working was also to be my night nurse. She is a complete sweetheart as well, so very helpful. I hate asking for help, HATE IT, but she offered to make my tea for me during the night. :) She's been great about taking the baby back and forth between my room and the guys room (though one intended daddy was coming in here as well, we're not totally dependent on the poor nurse, lol). The night nurse also told me I had two incisions, which no one had told me. I'm still unsure as to why, but there's the main incision which is obvious, but then a second incision. I'm curious to hear about that today from the doctor!

Overall, the birth went better than I had expected. I am feeling pretty weak from the blood loss. My left leg is also not wanting to work, so they are trying to figure out why. I tried to stand this morning, and did to an extent, but walking is out of the question. My left leg, while I can feel it, feels as though it weighs 50 lbs alone. It's like when you're leg is asleep and you can't feel it moving as you're trying to walk along before it wakes up, but it's a bit worse. I'm not too worried, just hoping it was due to the epi and will improve soon.

I'm feeling blessed this morning. I only had two hours of sleep, and one of my poor nipples is a bit ouchie from a poor latch (I knew I should have corrected it, oops). But I can't complain, the day was great, and seeing those two men with their baby boy is a-flipping-mazing. And that little boy, well I am bias, but I think he's adorable.

Oh, his stats - he was born at 11:53am, weighing in at 8 lbs 1 oz (at 37 weeks, woo hoo!), 20.5" long, 15" head. He has dark brown hair as well. I think he looks so tiny, and my husband agreed, though obviously we're used to our big kiddos at home. :) Everyone keeps saying how big Sprout is. I was sure he'd be in the 7 lb range, but I was wrong. :)

So, Happy Birthday to Sprout. I am thrilled to end my surrogacy days with this pregnancy and birth, even though it wasn't ideal at times, it worked out and I'm glad.

Excitement (aka rambling)

I had my pre-op appointment last week. It was basically just for the OB and I to meet (the one doing my surgery, we hadn't yet met), for her to listen to my heart and lungs, and for us to go over my wishes and how things should go but also how badly they could go. It was an okay appointment, except for the part where she was reading these negative outcomes off of this sheet and I began getting woozy. I saw the black tunnel and being as I was sitting on the table, not in a chair or close to the floor, I knew I had to do something and quick. I couldn't talk, so I braced myself as best I could and did deep breaths. I brought myself out of it, thank goodness. I wasn't even feeling that worried, but I think hearing her talk about blood transfusions (which I am fine with) just got to me for some reason.

After that appointment, I had to head over to the hospital to speak with the anesthesiologist. He was so nice, very calming to talk with. As he told me, my case isn't easy, but with the preparation everyone is doing, it's extremely helpful towards my case. He said they deal with a lot worse, and especially on an emergency basis. He went on to say that he can't promise how things will go, of course, but he has a good feeling all will be well. For all I know, he was bullshitting me, but I didn't think he was. And even if he was? He was good at it, and I don't care - haha. We spoke for awhile, went over my pretty limited history, and he was thrilled with how healthy I am besides the placenta being a "pain in the butt" (we both agreed on that aspect). He felt my spine and was happy with whatever medical term he spit out, and then he was extra thrilled with my mouth and airway - which was hilarious to hear him say. He checked my arms, and was then very happy with my veins. I try my best to be a good patient, haha. He informed me that I'll either have three IVs (yuck, I hate IVs - they always hurt my arms and hands so badly) or a central line in my neck. I almost want the one in my neck, as icky as it sounds to me and others. We went over how my spinal failed during the last part of my section last time, so he asked if I wanted a spinal/epidural combo (after telling me the benefits) and I said, "YES, PLEASE!" And they will for sure be putting me under general anesthesia for the hysterectomy.

So, I'm a bit apprehensive about the GA. I just don't want to be one of those people that acts chaotic when coming out of it. I'm kind of sad to think that I may not remember much after, that I may be so out of it that I'll be in a fog for the first day or two. I really hope that isn't so, because those first few days are so important for to me to see and remember.

It's crazy unbelievable that in just over 48 hours this little baby, who has been bopping around in my belly for many months now, will be out. It's bittersweet to think that my uterus and cervix will be out as well, and that my baby baking days are over for sure.

Anyway, I was to go for a massage yesterday but cancelled. I've had this tremendous desire to stick around home, get even the smallest of chores done, and be with my children Their last day of school is the day I am delivering, which saddened me a bit as I'll miss that day and picking them up. But it's not so bad, they'll have grandma there, which they are ELATED about. I can finish up last minute errands while they're at school over the next two days. And tomorrow, for the first time ever, I get a pedicure - the works, where they wrap your feet, massage you, and so on. I am excited! I made sure to schedule that while the kids are at school, just so I won't miss time with them.

The next two days are going to go so quickly. I'm making sure to rub my belly a bit more than usual, just trying to soak up every last bit of this before I am done with pregnancy for good. :)

36 Weeks!

Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds (like a crenshaw melon) and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement.

At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position.

One week to go. I wish I had a bit longer, but it is what it is and I've accepted that now. I am excited. The anticipation has really hit me in the past day or so. One week from tonight, right now, I should be laying in my hospital bed, and either seeing two daddies with their baby boy in arms or that little boy will be in my arms being breastfed. So amazing.

I talked with my attorney today and hearing me say the words, "One week from today" to him was just so surreal! I have so many emotions, and I can't stop smiling!

I'm feeling slightly overwhelmed, as I keep going over things and what do I need to do still. As I think I said before, some say a c-hyst takes longer to recover from than a "simple" c-section alone. So, I'm trying to prepare for that, while hoping for the best, I guess? I keep going to the grocery store and I think I may be driving my husband nuts. My most hated chore (grocery shopping) is one I've enjoyed as of late. Only I keep coming home almost daily with bags that need unloaded from the van. So, I walk in and announce hubby needs to unload the van, which means he puts it all away. I told him tonight that I felt bad that he had to do it, and he said he never thought twice about doing it. It's nice to have that help, even for simple things, and it doesn't even occur to him to do it any other way? Awesome.

I got a lot done today, so I'm feeling good. The baking bug is still with me. I told my husband tonight that I'd back off a bit, because we were doing the dishes a lot more than usual due to me. But I may have fibbed.. I want to bake right now! Oops.

I woke up this morning, went to turn over, and I felt a pop down.. low. It wasn't like a pop from bones shifting either. I laid there, perfectly still, and I thought, "Oh my god, what if my water broke?" I didn't know what to do. I wanted to yell for a towel, but figured we have a waterproof mattress cover! I turned the rest of the way over, pushed a bit, and nothing. PHEW! I'd just rather he hang on until we're ready next week.

And the belly pic, it's covered this time to prevent blindness. You can thank me later!

And now for something off topic, but these made me smile this week. If you haven't seen either of the next two stories, read them, watch the videos! Be prepared to cry and smile all at once.

Runner inspires others with act of kindness

Boy with cerebral palsy goes viral with inspirational field day run

Goodbye uterus & cervix, I'm okay..

Forgive me if I repeat things from prior posts, but this is my outlet for this, so here goes..

I'm okay. I don't want to say good or great, but I am okay. I was becoming slightly bitter with myself in the past week. I realized I was more focused on my loss of reproductive ability vs. being focused on Sprout's arrival. I was mad that I couldn't focus on the latter. I was feeling this need to dig deep. I mean, I should know why I'm so focused on my loss, but overall, I am okay with it, so..? And this day, for me (honestly!), is more about this baby's arrival. So, why couldn't I shake my focus away from other things and focus on what is to come with this baby?

It's not as if I can't think of both, I realize. But I have no control over this, and my having no control is difficult for me. I am typically the type that wants to control things, that wants to plan ahead. This? This is out of my hands completely. That. Is. Scary. But I've put my faith in the doctors, and I've thrown up my hands and thought to myself, "Have at me! Just be gentle, please." It's the most I can do. I've grown this baby to the best of my ability, and I have no regrets. I'm fine with not being able to have babies in the future! It's just the surgery, the hysterectomy, the bleeding out part.. egads.

Overall, I am going to try and think about the positive in this, though. And with that, I went against the rule I gave myself when I discovered the completely previa was still there. I said I was not going to Google, I was not going to read up on this, I was just going to go with my gut (and I have gone with my gut on a lot of things!). But last night I backed down somewhat, I Googled some more. I specifically read up on the experiences of other women that have went through this (this being a "c-hyst" as it's called). And some stories were scary, some were good overall. It seems that usually the scary ones were the ones where previa was unexpected, or the mother began bleeding and had to delivery early. Granted, Sprout is arriving three weeks early, but compared to a baby arriving at 32 weeks, 37 is much better. Everyday really counts at this point.

I am glad that I Googled, because many women said their c-hysts were vastly different than their previous c-sections. Their recoveries were more difficult, they had more pain, the energy took longer to return. I am glad to read this, because my OB was telling me this wouldn't be different (recovery wise) from my sections before. So, I feel a bit more prepared in expecting the unexpected.

I am still elated **knock on wood** that I've had no bleeding issues. 85% of women with complete previa experience bleeding by something like 32 weeks? I had some spotting issues in early pregnancy, but it wasn't due to the placenta then. So, I am happy with my body, even if the placenta is being a bear.

I'm trying to enjoy the last few days. It's so weird to know so far in advance as to when this boy is coming out. I am praying he hangs in there until then. I keep finding myself picturing that morning, going in and getting prepped, having the daddies there as well as my husband (talk about some awesome support, I am lucky that the three of them will be there!), being wheeled in.. and for the most part I feel excitement with a side of being semi-apprehensive.

My next pre-op appointment is Thursday. I have a few questions for the doctor, and she'll receive a copy of the sheet that specifies what the daddies want with their child (or do not want, in some cases). I am hoping she is receptive. I have yet to meet her, I've only spoken with her twice, so I am hoping she has a kind bedside manner. In the end, I just want her to do her best when operating on me, though! So, if she has a terrible bedside manner but is the best available for this operation? Bring it on, right? Ha.

And there's some more rambling as I come to terms with this. Overall I am accepting, but it hits me every now and again - this is it, I am done. It's not just the baby coming out, it's my uterus and cervix. No more babies for others, no more babies for myself - the former being more difficult to accept than the latter! :) But I'm okay.

35 weeks (+ 2 days)

Your baby doesn't have much room to maneuver now that he's over 18 inches long and tips the scales at 5 1/4 pounds (pick up a honeydew melon). Because it's so snug in your womb, he isn't likely to be doing somersaults anymore, but the number of times he kicks should remain about the same. His kidneys are fully developed now, and his liver can process some waste products. Most of his basic physical development is now complete — he'll spend the next few weeks putting on weight.

35 weeks! I'm a couple of days late in updating, but.. I'm tired. Am I feeling done yet? Nope! Physically I am feeling good for the most part. But carrying this belly around, eating the amount I am eating (it seems like a lot lately), the peeing.. oh, the peeing. Our water/sewer bill is going to by sky high from the number of times I'm having to uh, go pee. Ehem. Haha. Kidding. I am just exhausted. Making my once every 1.5-2 week trips to the store for groceries is not happening. I'm going more often, but for less stuff each time. I seem to have enough energy to get around $75 in groceries before I am dragging myself to the register.

I am NOT complaining. Less than two weeks. It's so strange to think how close it is. I'm not upset about it being so soon, but the anticipation is bringing on a mix of emotions, though all are positive. The excitement of imagining seeing him finally, seeing him with his daddies, it's fun to think about though I get teary eyed at certain points.

I am feeling somewhat better about the surgery. They are allowing my husband into the OR with me, which made a world of difference for me emotionally. The idea of laying on that table alone had me panicking. It's weird how good I feel going into it, but they lay me back on that table and I start crying nearly immediately. This always makes the anesthesiologist question if I am okay. Yep, I'm fine, just being hormonal! Thanks. ;) Going into this one, this much more dramatic surgery, I need my husband there. I'll be the first one to admit that I am going to be a mess of emotions once they have me on the table. I don't get hysterical, but I cry practically non-stop. Not sobbing, just the tears don't stop. The excitement and overall emotions of this baby coming out, the one we all worked for for so long it seems, it just makes my throat tighten up.. and the tears flow! :)

I'm still semi-worried about the hysterectomy, how it'll go. I am praying like crazy that things go decently, that I don't need to be put under general anesthesia. I know many do fine with it, but I've never had to be put under, and no amount of "been there, done that" stories will make me any less emotional about the idea of them maybe putting me out. I just told my OB that my husband had better be there when I wake or right after, or they may as well give me a shot of anti-anxiety meds right then and there! (And I hate medications, but I know how I am, too!)

I am so thankful that Sprout's daddies have been so awesome. I know I've said it, but I think it's made a world of difference. It definitely puts me at ease, and I just feel in my heart that fatherhood will come to them so easily. I'm not saying they won't have that momentary, "Oh my gosh, we're responsible for this tiny human being!" (I still remember that feeling, whoa!) Overall, they'll be great, and I know it.. and that puts me at ease.

Anyway, the poor little boy in my uterus is definitely running out of room. He's losing his room that he had to stretch out (and kick me hard when I'd take up some of his precious room!). When he has the hiccups now, I don't just feel them, I see them so easily now. Last night, I believe it was his chest or back, was against where my navel was (must have been his back, but I was trying not to touch or feel much so as not to bother him, lol). He was hiccuping and goodness, my entire belly was shaking SO HARD. This means that his head bumps into the placenta which bumps my bladder. It's kind of funny.

I feel like my belly is growing daily. I look at my bare belly and it's so weird to see, though it's not like this is my first time around the block! It's amazing how the skin just stretches. My skin on my belly is translucent in some places, and the veins are just very prominent. I'm the dork that likes to look and see the "branches" of the veins all over my belly. It's amazing to me.

So, not much going on. I am baking quite a bit in the past few days. That's all I want to do is bake. I don't want to make dinner (unless it's baking!), not even a sandwich, I just wanna BAKE. Three nights in a row of baking and freezing goodies. I took tonight off, though not because I wanted a break, but because I was out of wheat germ.

And now I am off to eat and go to bed! Sprout is wide awake and moving about, which I swear is depleting my energy, so I need something in my tummy before I hit the sack!