Between a rock and a .. oh, nevermind

I'm active on Facebook. And for those on my Facebook friends list, you're laughing at that, because I am more than active. It's my addiction, I admit, and it's because I am a stay at home mom and don't get out as much as I'd like. So, Facebook is my way of socializing with friends and moms, and it's a good outlet for me.

But I'm struggling with something and I guess my blog is a good place to let it all out. I have a few friends on my FB that are dealing with infertility. Some of them have children, some do not, but regardless, they are unable to conceive a child for one reason or another. Some have tried IUI, IVF, etc. and put thousands upon thousands of dollars into their journey to having a child, and they still do not have a child. It's heartbreaking to see, and I ache for them. I mean, seeing more than one friend struggle with infertility, and then seeing one friend lose her baby to stillbirth - it's what brought me to surrogacy!

So, why am I struggling? I posted our due date on FB as a status and then my "Pregnant" digital test. It was met with a lot of congrats to myself and my IF's, but I was sad in a sense, because I didn't want to post those things and potentially hurt my friends who are still waiting for their blessings.

And I know a majority of them would say, "Don't worry!" and tell me I've tried with my IF's for awhile, I should post on my FB about the pregnancy, etc. But it's hard to listen to them, to believe them, because ultimately.. they are still waiting and I get teary eyed every time I think about it. It's partly why I haven't said as much on my FB this week about the pregnancy as I may otherwise say. And it's NOT their faults, it's my own desire to hold back. It's another reason I started this blog as well, so I could blab here all I wanted without fear of making someone upset.

It feels like a delicate balance sometimes, but I wouldn't trade this for the world. What I mean is, I have so many wonderful friends, and I feel blessed to know them for one reason or another (many reasons!). I just hope that they understand that I may post occasionally on my FB about the pregnancy, but that they are still in my thoughts constantly, and that I wish them nothing but the best. I don't want anyone to think that I am trying to rub anything in either. I will try and keep to my blog, because God knows this has been ALL that is on my mind in the past few days. And as evidenced by my frequent posts here already, I have a lot I need to get out, a lot I want to remember for later on.

Ramble ramble! ;-)